Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I need a beard to bite.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
