I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
