P.S. I can't hear my feet
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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