We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
