okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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