I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
