I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
