U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
