I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
