My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
