My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
