She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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