these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
