I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
