I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
