I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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