: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
