your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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