I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
