Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
