I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
