So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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