i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
