Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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