YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
