I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
