the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
