It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
