i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex on a roof
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