I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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