Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
