Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
