I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
