I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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