i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
