Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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