Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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