so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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