I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
