I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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