i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
