The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
