this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
