Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
