I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
