i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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