hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize