WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
