I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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