Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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