Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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