I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
