Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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