it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
