Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
