i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
