turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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