You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
