If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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