Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
