u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
