Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
