I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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