Your face is a jimmy john
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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