All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize