what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
