With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
