On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
