I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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