i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
