Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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